i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
