He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
