i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
