Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
