So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
