We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
