it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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