sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
