Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
God gave him joint rollers for hands
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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