at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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