i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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