somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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