there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
