I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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