***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
