I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
