The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
