Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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