apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
