i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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