Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
