my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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