we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
