Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
