You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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