I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
