is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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