some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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