I accidentally burped into my bong.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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