This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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