No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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