I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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