would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
someone owes me an orgasm
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
