The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
