That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
