i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
