Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
