homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
