And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
