I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
