I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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