She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
