I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
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