You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
