Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
