i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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