i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
