I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
