OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
