Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
