I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
